Que será, será

On every step of my journey into motherhood I have had to make decisions and choices. Sometimes I follow my heart, sometimes a book. I’ve even had experiences when a friend would casually mention, “I’m doing this with my baby now…” and I’d quickly do some research to find out if I should be doing that too!

The list is endless: disposable diaper, cloth diapers, bottle, no bottles, co-sleeping, crib sleeping, to carry or not to carry, what to feed, how to feed etc.

Through the years there have been people who have supported my choices, questioned them and in some cases said I was wrong. Whatever decisions I’ve made I have tried with my heart to trust and believe that I’m doing the best that I can.

The best advice I can give is to be flexible in your approach. Coming at motherhood from a yoga perspective, yoga is not just flexibility in the body it’s also flexibility in our minds and thoughts. If you choose to do something one way and you end up fighting that path then change and see what else is out there.

Each day our babies grow and we need to grow up with them. My children are bigger now but I still have to make choices to help them mature into their beauty and confidence. We can’t know what the future holds but we can try our best to be present right now.

12/12/12 – this evening my daughter was playing the song “Que será, será” on her ukulele! She wanted to know what it meant so I sang my best Doris Day impression to her which got me thinking about this post…

Yes, whatever will be will be. The future’s not ours, to see…

Que será, será

When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother, what will I be
Will I be pretty, will I be rich
Here’s what she said to me.

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future’s not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.

When I was young, I fell in love
I asked my sweetheart what lies ahead
Will we have rainbows, day after day
Here’s what my sweetheart said.

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future’s not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.

Now I have children of my own
They ask their mother, what will I be
Will I be handsome, will I be rich
I tell them tenderly.

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future’s not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.

Songwriters: Jay Livingston and Ray Evans

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Doulas: Angels in Waiting

A doula is a person who supports you in your pregnancy and will be with you during labor to help in any way she can. Doulas are not trained to do medical procedures, but whether you are at home or a hospital they can help explain things to you and your partner when questions arise, help make decisions if you are unsure what to do, be a sounding board, and advocate for you with hospital staff.

My husband’s first reaction when I said that I wanted to look into getting a doula was, “Why? I’ll be there!” This is a very normal reaction for partners. It seems that we are employing someone to take away their role in the labor room. In fact, the doula is there to support both your experiences. She will give your partner a chance to just be there without having to figure out what to do.

My husband said after we had our first baby that he was so glad our doula, Barbara Essman, of Sacred Birthing, was there and he couldn’t imagine doing labor again without her.

Some doulas offer massage therapy before you have your baby and can even help with after-labor care (postpartum doula).

When you are looking for a doula, treat it like an interview – you have to like and trust the person you are choosing. Initially call or meet a couple of different doulas on your own. When you find one you like set up a separate meeting for the doula to meet your partner. It is important that your partner supports you in getting a doula. They may feel threatened by the idea but once you are in labor they’ll be happy there is an extra support person there to help you both cope with labor.

I was recently talking to Katja Bajema (see below) and she recommended calling and chatting with a doula first over the phone.  Both you and the doula can get a good sense of whether you will be a good fit and then you can make arrangements to meet up face-to-face.  Sometimes meetings are arranged and as soon as you meet you just know you won’t click.  Having some interview time on the phone will save you some precious time!

Typical questions to ask a doula are:

– How long have you been doing this and what kind of training have you had?
– How many births do you attend a year?
– Can I call or meet you before I go into labor? Is there any charge for these visits?
– Do you offer pregnancy massage? If not, can you recommend someone?
– How do you support women (and partners) during labor?
– If I am having my baby at a hospital can you meet us at home or at the hospital?
– If for some reason you aren’t available do you have a back-up person who can help?
– How much do you charge?  What does your fee include? (Fees range $300–$1,000)

Barbara Essman at my side while laboring with the twins (April 2006).

DOULA – POSTPARTUM DOULA – MIDWIFE  (updated February 2018):

Crystal Minnick Doula (current 2018)
Birth and Postpartum Doula
Placenta Encapsulation
Bengkung Belly Binding
Birth Sealing/Yoga
email: crystal@lovinglotusbirth.com
website: www.lovinglotusbirth.com
(808) 673-8717

Jaymie Lewis (current 2018)
Midwife
Doula
Lactation Counselor
email: sacredhealingarts@gmail.com
website: www.sacredhealingarts.info
(808) 783-0361 (office)

Jenna Clarke (current 2018)
BEST Birth Hawaii & Mālama Momma

Birth and Postpartum Doula
Essential Oils Educator
Postpartum Belly Wrapper
email: info@bestbirthhawaii.com
website: bestbirthhawaii.com
(808) 366-0230
– OR –
email: jenna@malamamomma.com
website: www.malamamomma.com
(808) 597-0593

Kari Wheeling (current 2018)
DOÑA trained birth doula
email: kariwheeling@yahoo.com
(808) 330-2005

Katja Bajema (current 2018)
Founder and Owner BEST Birth Hawaii

Certified Childbirth Educator
Birth and Postpartum Doula
Certified Lactation Counselor
Placenta Encapsulator
email: info@bestbirthhawaii.com
website: bestbirthhawaii.com
(808) 366-0230

Kehaulani Avicolli (current 2018)
Birth and Postpartum Doula
email: info@bestbirthhawaii.com
website: bestbirthhawaii.com
(808) 366-0230

Lea Garner (current 2018)
Certified Birth Doula
Postpartum Doula
Certified Childbirth Education
Certified Lactation Consultant
email: lea@hibabykailua.com
website: www.hibabykailua.com
808-690-4445

Dr Lori Kimata (current 2018)
Naturopathic Physician and Midwife
website: sacredhealingarts.info/about-us/
(808) 783-0361

Rosi Badalementi (current 2018)
Trained Labor and Birth Doula
email: info@bestbirthhawaii.com
website: bestbirthhawaii.com
(808) 366-0230

Sarah Cruz (current 2018)
Birth and Postpartum Doula
Childbirth Educator
Lactation Specialist
email: info@bestbirthhawaii.com
website: bestbirthhawaii.com
(808) 366-0230

Tara Compehos (Big Island – current 2018)
Midwife
Doula
email: rootsremedieshawaii@gmail.com
website: www.rootsremedieshawaii.etsy.com
(808) 450-0498

Tara Mattes, L.Ac. (current 2018)
Doula
Licensed Acupuncturist
email: sacredhealingarts@gmail.com
website: www.sacredhealingarts.info
(808) 783-0361 (office)

Vanessa Jansen (current 2018)
CPM/Traditional Midwife
email: vanessacpmwaldorf@gmail.com
website: littlelightmidwifery.com
(808) 754-6122

Dr Ye Nguyen (current 2018)
Midwife
Doula
email: dryenguyen@gmail.com
(808) 388-7207

updated February 2018